When People Hurt


Most people do not cope well with badly hurt feelings. Sometimes they cope so badly that they commit suicide. This awful problem is growing and becoming increasingly visible.

I wonder whether addressing hurt feelings as a mental health issue is a mistake. I am not sure that hurting so badly that you cannot stand it is the same as being unstable. I am not sure that a person who is more unhappy than afraid of dying is abnormal in any way.

Perhaps the act of suicide is indeed sinful as stated by some religions. Even though we all die, many people of faith believe only God should mandate the timing and manner of our passing. Suicide is probably selfish to the extent it imposes senses of loss, guilt, and misery on those left behind. But perhaps it is just a forgivable act brought on by intolerable, exhausting unhappiness.

Maybe society or just individuals can find better ways to acknowledge and heal hurt and to prevent the use of harmful and addictive substances as a first line of defense against sadness.  Maybe we can find better ways to bring out and dispel unhappy feelings. Maybe we can find unobtrusive ways to prevent those seeking isolation from wallowing in their distress.

Perhaps we could focus on education. Maybe, like other intelligence, emotional intelligence can be cultivated. Criticizing and disparaging pain does not work. Maybe we can find ways to foster happiness and to teach that it comes from within. Maybe we can do more to immunize people from hurt created by others and to foster self-worth.

Here are three things I was told we need to be happy:

  • Something to do
  • Someone to love
  • Something to look forward to

Taking and teaching these steps could be a start.


See more from Irina Gajjar at www.irinaspage.com.

You’re Worth It, But It’s Not Worth You



Has a sales person ever told you to overspend for an item because “you’re worth it”? This has happened to me more than once, and I have also heard people justify the purchase of an overpriced object because they consider themselves worthy of the price.

While I acknowledge the importance of self esteem, I fail to see any connection between my value and the value of objects in my possession. Take for example a car. I can see the fun of owning a nice vehicle, however costly it might be. I can even recognize that others may judge me by my vehicles or residence or adornments. But I will never ever consider these things indicative of my inherent worth.

Others see my things and I see theirs, but we only see ourselves reflected in the mirror. And what we see is not what we are worth. Nor are we worth what we can buy.

Admittedly, it is hard to remember this when we succumb to retail therapy having been softened by marketers and fallen into the hands of someone good at separating us from our money.